Feb 26 2025

 to be honest i'm just really afraid and scared to dm you

speak to you, thinking you might get mad at me for not giving you the space you need

i want to apologize for thinking i had a say.

i apologize for stopping you for walking out...

you must really love walking out...

I can get why you like it so much.

its a quick escape.

i wonder if you truly even need me to be around at all....

I managed to help you finish your little arc

maybe I've served my use.

i just thought we could grow together

as a couple...learn from eachother

improve one another

but that cannot be it seems.

i apologize for exerting my dreams. 

i think i'll reply if you message me again 

but i'm still quite scared 

Feb 25 2025

 I'm not angry

i'm not upset

i still love you very much

im just scared that you might get annoyed at me for being me

i apologize for trying to stop from leaving and walking out

but walking just leaves a bad taste in my mouth and from what i know, what i feel and think is right

that i needed to stop you from doing so ....so i can learn more about you and help you from doing that

because walking out can be VERY HURTFUL for the person they walked out from

instead of learning and dealing with the problem instead of the other party trying to reason with you

....they just feel shitty. 

 

that doesn't mean i don't love you and don't want to give you space........

HOW Come everytime you are cornered

everytime you get called out

you don't like it 

you feel the need to either prove yourself or walk out

and then it will loop you'll be like "So i'm not allowed to defend myself?"

"so i am not allowed to have space for myself?"

That's...not what i am trying to say at all........

I WANNA WORK WITH YOU SO WE CAN BETTER

I WANNA KNOW YOU BETTER

PLEASE

I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH LET ME JUST SHOW

but I AM SCARED

BECAUSE EVERYTHING I TRY TO DO FOR US

FOR YOU

YOU JUST GET UPSET AT ME

YOU WALK OUT

im scared if i piss you off as i breath

im scared im not giving you "space"

Im scared of being me

i'm sorry for being me

7:27 pm

Feb 24 2025

 Today

asylum, i don't hate you

i see you needed space

but i just really don't like the idea of "walking out"

I hate it in fact, i myself walked out on a lot of things in my life

it caused me issues, and one time caused me the bestest friend out of my life, all cuz i had a silly panic attack 

I said sorry, but it was too late it was 5 years ago.

I was traumatized.

Thing about walking out is that, it can buy you time, relax calm down..buy yourself sometime time to think over things.

but what of the people you walked out on, have you ever thought how they would feel?

I stopped walking out on you because it was shitty, it was terrible and i never wanted you to feel that way

you even spoke to me on how bad it made you feel how walking out  and just leaving like that felt terrible in your side "just talk to me" you would say.

but suddenly when its you, i guess that's okay?

when you're the one who walks out?

that doesn't seem fair.

the whole idea of me stopping you was because, I wanted to work on our negative traits and grow together as a couple.

I love you very much.

you even stated you wanted to make me feel bad. i shit you not, that's what your goal was you said it yourself.

"i didn't want to have this talk"

is that how you wanna do things?

I asked if you done this multiple times everytime something bad happens, you just walk out, you don't face it. 

you don't like the idea of being confronted over your errors...

 you would result to blaming yourself, or comparing me to yourself how you would say "you do that" 

you hated being interrupted. When all that i have said to ...interrupt you was... "yeah" "ahuh" "go on" "sorry"

All because i was speaking over you by COMPLETE ACCIDENT? you got upset at that and walked out...

that doesn't seem fair

I thought i was fucked up

I never spoke to a psychiatrist or psychologist

I never tried any of the self help crap

when terrible things happen i attempt suicide or hurt myself physically as a form of punishment

yet for someone who has anti depressants, who possibly spoke to some doctors already about your mental issues...you sure have more baggage than i do

ALL I WANTED WAS TO WORK WITH YOU, AND STOP YOU FROM WORKING OUT SO WE CAN JUST HAVE A TALK AND YOU SIGHT IT AS "I CAN'T HAVE MY ALONE TIME? IM NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE SPACE?" what the fuck????????????

the whole day I've been alone I never once thought of hating you

All i did was BLAME MY FUCKING SELF FOR NOT GIVING YOU  YOUR SPACE

i'M Not upset, I'm not angry at you.

I just hate myself for stopping you and thinking that it was a good idea to "work" with you "work" on the relationship. the idea of "growing" ...i didn't meant to invade your space or not give you any freedom.

- 5:16pm