Feb 24 2025

 Today

asylum, i don't hate you

i see you needed space

but i just really don't like the idea of "walking out"

I hate it in fact, i myself walked out on a lot of things in my life

it caused me issues, and one time caused me the bestest friend out of my life, all cuz i had a silly panic attack 

I said sorry, but it was too late it was 5 years ago.

I was traumatized.

Thing about walking out is that, it can buy you time, relax calm down..buy yourself sometime time to think over things.

but what of the people you walked out on, have you ever thought how they would feel?

I stopped walking out on you because it was shitty, it was terrible and i never wanted you to feel that way

you even spoke to me on how bad it made you feel how walking out  and just leaving like that felt terrible in your side "just talk to me" you would say.

but suddenly when its you, i guess that's okay?

when you're the one who walks out?

that doesn't seem fair.

the whole idea of me stopping you was because, I wanted to work on our negative traits and grow together as a couple.

I love you very much.

you even stated you wanted to make me feel bad. i shit you not, that's what your goal was you said it yourself.

"i didn't want to have this talk"

is that how you wanna do things?

I asked if you done this multiple times everytime something bad happens, you just walk out, you don't face it. 

you don't like the idea of being confronted over your errors...

 you would result to blaming yourself, or comparing me to yourself how you would say "you do that" 

you hated being interrupted. When all that i have said to ...interrupt you was... "yeah" "ahuh" "go on" "sorry"

All because i was speaking over you by COMPLETE ACCIDENT? you got upset at that and walked out...

that doesn't seem fair

I thought i was fucked up

I never spoke to a psychiatrist or psychologist

I never tried any of the self help crap

when terrible things happen i attempt suicide or hurt myself physically as a form of punishment

yet for someone who has anti depressants, who possibly spoke to some doctors already about your mental issues...you sure have more baggage than i do

ALL I WANTED WAS TO WORK WITH YOU, AND STOP YOU FROM WORKING OUT SO WE CAN JUST HAVE A TALK AND YOU SIGHT IT AS "I CAN'T HAVE MY ALONE TIME? IM NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE SPACE?" what the fuck????????????

the whole day I've been alone I never once thought of hating you

All i did was BLAME MY FUCKING SELF FOR NOT GIVING YOU  YOUR SPACE

i'M Not upset, I'm not angry at you.

I just hate myself for stopping you and thinking that it was a good idea to "work" with you "work" on the relationship. the idea of "growing" ...i didn't meant to invade your space or not give you any freedom.

- 5:16pm